Struggles

It appears I post every 7 years or so, and then go radio silent. Not that it super matters, I don't think anyone is desperately waiting for my next post or remember its existence anymore, including myself. Skimming through old posts quickly, at least I am not cringing at what I wrote before. Hooray!

A lot has happened since the last post. I've been going through a lot of struggles, some made up in my head, and some real legitimate struggles, like the one I am feeling this very moment. 

Being the youngest in the family, I am constantly seen as the baby. I am not entirely sure how much my family actually respects me as a real human being, with a husband, dogs, and a job. Yes, a lot has happened, including getting married to Andrew in 2020. Yes, Covid happened as well, and in a way still happening, though it is now more of a cold to most people. 

On the other hand, for the strangest reason(s), there are things I do that maybe I shouldn't have to. As I am typing this, I recognize that not all of these are huge things. Just things like, reading an email or letter in English and/or making a call in English. Or, I can live without my parents and just with my siblings as a child, I can do an international flight on my own as a child. Maybe it's my problem that I didn't say no. Maybe these decisions shouldn't be presented to a child at all. Maybe if I had said no, my mom would have made me do it anyway (she actually did say that even if I asked her to stay, she would have went back to HK anyway because my dad just "could not" go back on his own). 

I understand that things need to be done, and my mom always loved saying 三個和尚沒水喝, so I will typically end up doing these things to avoid any fuck ups. Though internally I truly don't understand why other people's concerns and issues matter more than mine almost without fail. I think it's really hard for me to understand how the "baby" is doing things "adults" should be doing. It's like saying, you are not really an adult, so your job, your family, and your life doesn't matter, but at the same time, you need to do all these things, because they are important, and you are the only one who can do it. Oh the hypocrisy. This is probably why I feel eternally fucked sometimes when it comes to dealing with my family.