Growing Up and Apart

A lot of things didn't exactly make sense to me as they were presented to me as I was growing up. There are probably things that are presented to me now that won't make sense until I get older.

I never understood when my sisters told me the Chinese saying, 君子之交淡如水 when I was in elementary school. I guess that's what is nice about having much older siblings - you are exposed to these things at a much younger age, even if it doesn't make sense to you. 

At the age of 32, I finally understand what they meant. Good friends do not have to see each other all the time or talk to each other all the time. One of the people who knows me best is someone who lives on the other side of the world of me, who I never have problem resuming a conversation with when I see her that rare 1-3 times a year. She is married and has a child, while I am unmarried and without children. Although our lives are completely different, sharing the same values keeps our relationship together. 

As I get older, I value more and more the quality of friendships than the quantity of friendships. I've always been very stingy with my time, and only spend time with those who I enjoy being around because there is a deadline on life and I don't want to waste my time with people I don't want to be around. 

As we grow older, we gravitate more towards those who share the same values as ourselves. So what about childhood friends who you have a lot of history with? It's not easy staying friends when your values are different and they also gravitate towards those who share their values. True friendships should feel effortless even if they are not actually effortless... that's what I think anyway. 

I guess right now I am having a moment of guilt and doubt, as I'm not entirely sure how I feel about a childhood friend. Don't get me wrong, I do not hate this person, and I will try my best to be there for her when she needs it (not wants it), but it's clear we are off on very different paths to life. I think we should all understand that unfortunately, friendships are not reciprocal, and just because someone is your best friend, it does not mean you are theirs. In fact, I am pretty sure I am not my best friend's best friend, but just a very close friend but I accept it. I hope my childhood friend understands this and does not get offended if she ever finds out. Right now is not the right time to talk to her about this and completely unnecessary. There is a time and a place for honesty.